He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
