Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
