I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
