my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
