when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
