When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
