For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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