I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
