i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
