we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
