My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
