I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
