and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
