Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
