Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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