I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
