Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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