i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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