So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
