so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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