trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
