You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
