nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
