He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
