I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
