If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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