why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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