I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
