Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
