just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
