i was born a porn star she said
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
