I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
