the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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