i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
