My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
