All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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