just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
