I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
NoShamevember. You game?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
