Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
