My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
