Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
