it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
