just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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