On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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