its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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