I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
