Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
