i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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