I will die if light touches me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
