I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
