I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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